Letters to the Editor: ‘I don’t sleep in October’ — on being a Dodger fan right now
If we have a new Dodger fan — and you know there will be — you’re not going to want to know his or her name.
I’ve been in that mode for a few years now. I call it the October mind. This is an annual practice I use to rationalize a decision I’ve made, a decision I have to make. “I can wait until August,” I rationalize. “Nobody will care by then.” “I don’t see why I should make a decision now.” “I’m too tired.” “I’ll just go somewhere else.”
These irrational decisions are not an act of will or choice. They’re an act of fear — an irrational fear, really. I’m not going to say “this is a decision I have to make,” because it is not. It is a decision I have to make. It is a decision that is inevitable and required.
I don’t sleep in October. And why should I?
I am not a Dodger. I am a Dodger fan, because I am a Dodger fan. I am a fan with a memory, a name, a history, a home, a town, a way of life. I have lived here for as long as I have. I am a Dodger fan, because I have lived here for five years. I am a Dodger fan, because I am a Dodger fan.
I have lived outside of Dodger Stadium for eight months. I have lived in the city of San Francisco for three months. I have lived in the region of San Francisco for two months. I have lived in the state of California, a state of California, for a month. I have lived in the nation of the United States, a state of the United States, for three weeks.
My decision to choose San Francisco over Los Angeles, a decision based on two factors — home and family — cannot be described as an irrational decision. But it is